April 30- All Quiet On The Homefront

Now that everything has pretty much settled down on the home front, I am finally back in the right mind to be able to post in my blog. Before I post what I am about to post on, please be aware that this is only my thoughts on MY personal transition (as well as what I know society in my area to be like when it comes to such things) and not meant to be saying that other transsexuals should think this way or even feel like I do. I am one who feels every transsexual goes through transition in each their own way and that it is not for us to say they are any more or any less a transsexual than another. This is my way. It may be that someone else feels the same way, but whether they do or not is not important. I also want to first give a few updates on my progress of my transition. I have finally been able to successfully grow my hair long without it just going all wild as it once did before. I tried growing my nails and hoped they would not break this time. However, one broke today unfortunately. Now it's going to have to be back to square one with my nails since I cannot stand one being short and all others being long. If one is short, they all will need to be cut and regrown with hopefully better results. I did have some nail strengthener polish somewhere, but I have to locate where I put it so that after cutting them I can put that on them as they grow. Hopefully, that will solve the issue of them breaking so easily. Once they are stronger, I plan to go to a local nail salon and have them shaped evenly instead of just flat like they are now.
With that said, let's move right along into what I want to talk about. I have noticed many using the term, "passing off as" when referring to how they want to look like after they transition. Males who transition to females talk about being able to "pass off" as a female in public and vice-a-versa. To me, I don't just want to "pass off" as a woman, I want to be a woman. In other words, I already see myself as a woman, but I want others to not only see me as one but also know me as one. Before you say this is quite a contradiction as to what I just said, let me explain what I see as the difference between "passing off as" and actually being a woman and what it means to be known as one. When someone passes off as something to me means that they pretend or play a part to make others know them to be something that they know themselves to not be. Being that something is a whole lot different because not only do people see them as that something, but they are indeed that something. I know my body may be that of a male so others see male when they look at me, but I am not a male. I AM a female that wants others to see and know me as a female. To do this, I just know I have to have gender reassignment surgery.
I know there are plenty risks involved with the surgery. Costs, the possibility of the surgery coming out wrong in some way, not being comfortable in the body afterwards due to some imperfection from the surgery, and as of now there being some parts that cannot be made as authentic as an actual woman's parts are just a few. Still, when I weigh the alternative of just going out in public dressed as a woman but still having all male parts and the risks involved with that, I feel a surgery is worth the risks. Risks of the opposite end of the coin would include accidental exposure of anything that would clearly give away the gender of the body, people harassing you even to the point of getting physically violent with you, getting killed, and loss of job and/or the ability to comfortably interact with society. The last one can also be included with the risk of actually becoming a woman after being a man. Also, accidental death can be added. To me, I would risk accidental death more than I would someone actually killing me because they see me just as a man dressed in women's clothing. That's all for today. Take care and be safe always everyone.