December 22- I've Reached Critical Point and Ready to Explode

One thing I have to say about myself is that I have a very hot temper. In the past, it didn't take much to reach critical point. I had no time to defuse the anger before I would unleash a fury similar to that of an atom bomb going off. I couldn't see any warning signs that told me to hurry up, get to myself, and shut out the entire world so as not to hurt anyone.
Luckily, over the years I have learned how to watch for the warning signs and my temper has not been as quick, but I do still have that same temper when it does finally reach critical. I can hold a lot more back, and when I feel myself ready to explode, I get to myself the best I can. Sometimes I cannot get to myself and bad things happen to me and those around me.
Tonight, I am at the critical point once again. I felt the signs, so I went for a bike ride after getting my dad to watch Austin for me. I thought maybe the ride would cool me down, but it was not enough. Now, as my dad continues to watch Austin, I have holed up in my room with strict orders to my dad to keep an eye on Austin so that he does not end up getting hurt should I get set off by anything and do something I will not be able to control and will regret.
Before anyone gets the wrong idea, I'm not mad at Austin or my dad. Also, it's not that I WANT to do anything to Austin or my dad or anyone for that matter. I ask them to stay away so that I DON'T wind up hurting them. If anyone must really know what caused me to reach critical mass, then go back a few posts to where all the mess started with Crystal Pitre, Cheryl Cunningham, Dorthy "Dee" Klass, and Leonie Aucoin. Every little thing I had to battle through angered me a little more each time. I have been hit left and right since the end of last month and each time I swallowed and bottled my anger up causing layers of rage and fury to be piled one on top of the other. With each new layer my atom bomb was being fueled to critical mass and closer to going off. Tonight, the final blow came when I asked Leonie to take me to Bayou Towers (also know as the High Rise) which is like an apartment complex for the elderly and disabled tomorrow, and he at first said no. I have been trying to apply for a room there so that I can get out once again on my own and leave the stress behind. I first was thinking I would need an actual birth certificate and was going to borrow money from my best friend, David Braden, whom I look to as a brother, but Leonie told me to wait until next week so that we'd go get it. This is always his way of putting off things he really doesn't want to do. Anyway, I called to find out if my birth card would suffice, and they told me it would, so I told Leonie that I had everything I needed and asked if we could go tomorrow. He, of course, immediately said no and that he had a doctor's appointment to go to tomorrow and could not bring me. He then took off to bring his son to town. When he returned, I was already in my room. He came in and told me he would bring me and not to be mad at him. I tried to figure out what changed his mind when he then said he had to bring one of his family members somewhere tomorrow. That asshole was once again going to push me aside for his family until I believe my dad told him how pissed I was. It never fails, he can cancel his appointments for his family, but for something that will help ME, I get cast aside!
I don't know what was said between him and my dad, but I believe he told my dad he was canceling his appointment for his family, and then my dad told him that I would be more pissed than what I was for him doing that, so he came tell me he would bring me. I am a little relieved that he did change his mind, but if the only reason he did was to save his own ass from another tongue lashing or even worse from me, then I am indeed even that more pissed off. I don't give a rat's ass that he said he will bring me. I'm pissed because he was going to use his doctor's appointment to put it off at first, and now even more so because he almost got away with putting me aside for his family yet again had it not been for my dad speaking up on my behalf.
I have to get out of here. The sooner the better because I am seriously so tired of this shit. I am to the point where I am ready to die, but so afraid of death I couldn't bring myself to riding that bike in front of a vehicle and letting it hit me. I thought about it very seriously, but couldn't do it. I have indeed reached critical point and anything right now can cause me to explode.