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Sunday, February 27, 2011

February 27- Put Things In Proper Order Of Importance

Here we go again. It's a new day with so much new things to learn. I only hope that my readers can at least learn something new from me. It doesn't have to be the only lesson they learn each day because the way I see it is that we all learn new lessons every single waking moment of each new day of our lives. My advice I wish to give today is to put things in proper order of importance.
Have you ever had a decision to make that you went to bed questioning in your mind which way to go or whether or not doing something would be a good thing or not? Have you, then, ever received an answer to that unspoken question while you sleep in the form of a dream? I did today. The reason I want to talk about this first is because it is ultimately what gave me the idea of what advice to give today. I won't go into detail of what I was trying to decide except to say that it was whether or not to get something I wanted when I get my checks next month. I went to sleep debating over this in my mind, and in a dream the answer did come with someone I couldn't actually see the face of asking me, "Why are so down and out today?" I answered this person, "Because I don't know if it would be a good idea to get this thing I really want to get when I know there are people who need my help to get things for them, and I don't want to disappoint them." This person then responded so frankly that I was shocked this stranger even knew my life story, "Why are you so worried about what everyone else needs or wants when everyone seems to want from you, but then when you want, you have to go without?" That was when I woke up. It is true that everyone seems to want from me, but I always go without whenever I want something because I sacrifice everything to give everyone what they ask of me. Then, when I ask for something from them, they refuse to help me.
That brings me to what I actually want to post about. The best thing to always remember is to put things in proper order of importance. If you have a child living with you, the child's needs always come first. Next, you take care of your own needs. Then, you save a little for any emergency that might come up with your child or yourself. Finally, if you have enough money left over, you can get whatever you want. If you live alone, the order is still pretty much the same except you don't have to worry about what a child needs, but you still have to get what you NEED first. I would also at least recommend saving a little emergency cash for yourself before getting anything you want. You never know when you might fall ill and need money for medicine.
When it comes to a list of things that needs to be done, sort them out by selecting the thing with the most priority first and then going down the list with the next important thing that needs to be done and so on until you get to the things that would be no problem saving for another day should you not be able to get everything done in one day. That way, you will have less stress when trying to get it done and not be confused as to what order you want to do them in.
Anyway, that is my two cents for today. Take care and be safe always everyone, and remember to put things in proper order of importance because not everyone who asks of you will be there when you need the most to help you pay something that should have been paid first or do something that should have been done first.

Friday, February 25, 2011

February 25- Be Yourself

Hello again to all my readers. Today's post is going to go in a whole new direction from the drama I have been posting so much of. Instead, I want to start posting some advice for all of you. Maybe at least one of you will take some advice I give and actually use it to better your own life. I'm not going to be able to tell who uses my advice, but at least it will be here for anyone who does wish to take it.
One thing that always seems to be an issues with most people of today is the difficulty of just being themselves no matter what others tell them is " not normal", "not natural", "sick", or even "sinful". We are all born with certain personality characteristics that define who we are, what we are, which gender we love, what we believe, or even what interests us the most. Some of us choose to go by what we were born with. Others are influenced so much by what they are taught that their minds become closed to anything that does not fit that programming even to the point where they lose their own selves that they were born as. It is these people that begin later in life to re-discover the things they were born with but or so afraid to become what they were born to become because of what they were taught and how others would reject them.
I used to be one of those people until I learned that it is okay to be unique and different, for if we were meant to all be the same, believe the same, think the same, do the same, or even enjoy the same things as everyone else, we would be all robots of the same make and model following the same program. The world would be so dull and void of anything life-like. We are all unique, however, and have different views on what normal is in our own view of reality based on whatever we were born with.
I AM FEMALE. I don't care now that I have male parts, and I wish others would just accept me and refer to me by my own label I place on myself and not what label they put on me just by what they see me as due to what life has taught them about the differences between a female body and a male one. I won't even refer to myself as transsexual anymore because that would be like accepting that I am male but wishing to be female. I AM FEMALE.
I AM BISEXUAL. Love has no boundaries and cannot distinguish between male and female. We all love who we love. If a man loves another man, who are we to limit that love to where a man can only love a woman. If a woman loves a woman, who are we to limit that love to where a woman can only love a man. If a woman loves both a man and a woman, again we cannot limit that love. The same for a man that loves a man and a woman. I AM BISEXUAL.
I AM A TRUE INFANTILIST. I may have the physical age of an adult, but there are times when I feel the need to regress to a child of 1-2 years old. Some may consider that to be an adult baby, but a true infantilist is not an adult baby just like a transsexual is not a transvestite. Being an adult baby pertains to being so for the sexual gratification much like a transvestite wears opposite gender clothing for such reasons. A true infantilist does it for comfort, because it just feels right to them to be the age they regress to, to find love they may not have had at childhood, and/or as a defense mechanism for times of stress. When they regress, they want nothing more than to actually be the age they regress to with nothing adult related on their minds except for having a "mommy" and/or "daddy" to take care of them as a "mommy" and/or "daddy" does to real children of that age. This is much like a transsexual who wears opposite gender clothing for comfort or just because it feels right to them because that is what they believe themselves to be despite outer appearances. I AM A TRUE INFANTILIST.
These are just a few examples of what I know myself to be to show you all how to get past the negativity of others who were programmed to believe one thing and refuse to open their minds to the possibility of anything other than that. There was one point brought to my attention in a forum on another site I go to. That point was that whatever each individual chooses to label themselves as, it is their right to do so. Whatever label you feel is right for you, then that is the one you can put on and be. Don't ever let anyone tell you any different. When you live your life for others, you are living their life and not your own. Live for yourself and just be yourself. Take care and be safe always everyone.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

February 23- Free Will Vs. Destiny And Other Things I Believe In

I know I have already posted about the bible and how it can be interpreted so many different ways according to who is interpreting it and what they want anyone else to believe according to their own beliefs. Today, I just want to take time out to talk a little bit about my own beliefs. It's not to try and force what I believe on anyone else, but rather to inform my readers about what I believe in and why. The most important thing to always remember when it comes to belief is that a belief without faith strong enough to back that belief no matter what may come your way is a dead belief because faith is what keeps the belief alive. The next important thing to remember is that whatever an individual believes in, it is their right to have that belief because everyone needs something to believe in or else living would be meaningless. With that said, I now move on to describe each of my beliefs and why I feel so strongly about that belief.
My first belief is one that I have already spoken of in a post from before. The creator of our Earth was a woman and not a man. I say this not because I feel I am a woman and not a man, but rather because when thinking of the people who revised the bible from what they interpreted the old writings or even tales passed down to be, they were all men. Women at that time were forced to be seen and not heard, so of course making our creator to be a man gave them right to show how a man was more powerful than a woman. They also wrote in that women had no say in a man's business other than to cook, clean, and bare children and that this was their God's very own say in how it should be. They even have some countries that went as far as telling the women that their God ordered that women should not show their face in public and always walk behind man to show respect for man's dominance over them. What they failed to mention in their teachings, however, is that there is a contradiction in their own writing of the bible. That contradiction comes when they claim that, "No one has seen the face of God for God shines so bright even brighter than the sun that to look upon the face of God would be instant death." If no one has actually seen God, what right then do they have of constantly referring to God as a HIM or HE without being guilty of gender discrimination? To me our creator comes to each individual however that individual believes our creator to be. To me, our creator is most definitely a female because it is what I have felt since birth and stand by it to my dying day.
My second belief is another one I have spoken of before in my postings. I believe that what most call angels are really lesser gods and goddesses that have the powers to control nature but must still report to the Mother of Creation even though they are still higher powers than we are.
I believe this to be true because the bible only says that, "There shall be no gods BEFORE me." Looking at this, the Mother of all Creation did not deny the existence of other gods and goddesses, but rather that we do not worship them above Her. It also says in the very beginning, "Let us make man in OUR own image." Who is the others that make up the OUR if not other gods and goddesses? Some preachers would say that "He" was speaking to "His" son and the holy spirit in order to further educate others towards the holy trinity theory which they believe in. Still, there are others who believe there was no holy trinity and that there was only God the "Father", God the "Son" (God coming to Earth in the human form of again a man), and God the Spirit. All parts being just one almighty. Again, it is all about what the individual believes. If you believe the second part, then again I must ask, who were the others that made up the OUR in the phrase I mentioned?
My third belief is again one I have made mention of before. I believe in three plains of existence. The high plane or heavens, the physical plane which we live in, and purgatory. What I may have not mentioned about purgatory is that there is no Satan in my belief. It is just a place that people who have done horribly wrong things in their lives are sent to face their own personal demons according to what that individual committed to be sent there for the rest of eternity. For example, if you were to murder someone. When you die, you would go to purgatory to be murdered day after day for all eternity. That would be your personal demon. I don't believe in Hell or that Lucifer rules over it, because in Revelations of the bible it talks about a lake of fire that evil souls will be thrown into where they will suffer for all eternity. It also says then that the "beast" will be thrown into the pit and locked there for one thousand years and then be set loose to once AGAIN walk the Earth. The bible also says that Lucifer was once an "angel" of God that cast was cast down to EARTH for trying to make themselves seem more powerful than God by claiming he could win more souls over than God could. He was never cast into what most people call hell. He was cast down to Earth. That is why we have so much pain and hardships that befall us here on Earth because Lucifer is part of our physical plane until he is thrown into the pit and locked up for one thousand years upon which he will be again walking the Earth to wage battle on the forces of good after which he and all his forces will also go into the pit of fire for all eternity. At least that is what I gather from what their bible says. He is not already in the pit of fire, he is here among us. Like the Mother of all Creation, he too can appear to us in any form he chooses.
My fourth belief is one I have never mentioned before. I believe in the power of nature. At least when it comes to healing the emotionally ill which I also believe most illnesses actually derive from. You may have noticed that whenever you feel the most depressed or have suffered a significant emotional trauma in your life, you have been the most easily attuned to getting sick from one thing or another. I know I have. Anyway, even so called sinus attacks most often occur when our emotions are not at our best because when we are depressed we loose energy that keeps us moving and enjoying our life. This lack of energy in turn allows for better chances of whatever attacks our sinuses to make them flare up more of an opportunity to do just that. Nature (and I'm not saying it is the absolute cure for everything) has a calming effect that soothes the emotions and takes away the stress because when anyone respects and shows nature love, nature in turn does likewise. Nature does not judge based on what a person appears on the outside to look like. Nature does not care what a person believes themselves to be on the inside. Nature does not care what things an individual may be into that other people would view as not natural, normal, or call that person sick for them being into it. Nature just totally and completely accepts each and every one of us as we are. It is when a person realizes this that nature's healing powers began to manifest themselves to that person. I know most people want to blame nature for their illness, but what they fail to realize is that without pollution that we ourselves have caused, nature would be as it was before our arrival. It is nature's fault that mankind has treated nature so wrongfully and hatefully to where it is now so polluted with car fumes, pesticides, factory smoke, hair spray fumes, and whatever else we as people have done.
We should not blame nature for our health problems we now suffer from.
My fifth and final belief is that we ourselves have free will to determine what our future holds in store for us. Of course, the bible does not deny that we were given free will. However, it once again contradicts itself when it says that before we are even born God has counted every hair on our head and knows what we are going to think about before we think about it, say before we say it, and do before we even do it because "He" has already predetermined our lives for us. This leads me to believe that we don't have free will, but rather we are forced to play a part in some destiny that God has already written for us. It also leads me to believe that not only are we just actors and actresses reciting from a script that God has written, but that those who believe in the "Butterfly Effect" (changing one thing in the past changes the future) would be lying. Let's say I had enough money to go out and buy me a mansion tomorrow. I know I don't, but this is just an example. According to the bible, it was already predestined for me to have that mansion, so even if time travel were possible, and I was to go back and change one event in my life that would cause me to not have the money I had to get that mansion, I will still come back to the present and have my mansion because it was already predestined that I would have one. Also, using my son. Again, if I was to time travel back and change me ever meeting my son's birth mother, Tiff, I would still have my son because it was predestined I would have him. For my last example, this time I will travel to the future to see I died in a car crash on July 17th, 2014. Now say I came back to the present knowing what is supposed to happen. I choose not to get in the car or any vehicle for that matter on that day. Being our lives are pre destined, you're telling me I would not be able to prevent my death even by not getting in any vehicle on that day? It doesn't make sense, does it? Unless you think it would happen like in Final Destination, free will allows us as individuals to write our own future based on the actions we choose in the present. There is no way our futures are already planned out.
Those are all my beliefs and why I believe in them. I know it is only few, but I just want to add in closing that there are other things I am open to the possibility of. I don't believe in ghosts, but I am open to the possibility they do exist. I don't believe in voodo0, hoodoo, or any spell casting of any sort, but I am open to the possibility spell casting can be done. I don't believe in aliens coming to Earth, but I am open to the possibility they exist on other planets. You see, no matter what differences we have in what we individually believe in, we need to always keep ourselves open to the possibility that the other person's belief may be fact and not pure fiction or even that they will not go to "Hell" for not believing what we as individuals believe. That's all I got for today. Take care and be safe always everyone.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

February 22- I'm Back

To all my readers, I do apologize for being M.I.A. for so long. A lot has gone done since I last wrote. I will start with Tiff, Austin's birth mother, coming to pick Austin up from me.
After a week of not hearing from her and being rushed off the phone every time I called, I began to worry. What worried me the most was when I heard that she was letting her future husband pretty much raise Austin instead of her including spanking him when he needed to be. I of course had objected to this and went to get him. I had to make sure I did it correctly, so I had an officer from her parish escort me there to make sure there was no domestic violence from her or me. I wound up getting him back after a long time of persuasion from my sister who had brought me and myself. Things were going alright, and I had thought Miss Cunningham was finally going to try and make up for her not being a mother to me by not standing up against me when George Bordelon, her ex-husband, had abused me. I also thought things were going to be better between Crystal Pitre, my daughter's mother, and me. I was wrong on both counts as you all will see as you keep reading.
Before I speak about Mrs. Cunningham, I need to first talk about my trying to compromise with Tiff on joint custody of our son. I tried first by inviting her to come to see Austin every other Saturday until Sunday evening until we could get something legal set up that would insure Austin would come back to me when her time with him was done and vice-a-versa. I did not include Theo because I felt that he was nothing to Austin legally, so there was no reason to include him. However, after some advice from Douglas William's, Tiff's legal father and a father in spirit to me, and Leonie Aucoin, my ex-uncle in-law, I finally decided to include Theo since he was involved with Tiff and therefore it was only right to do so based on what was explained to me. Then, Tiff had complained about her work not letting her off for those days, and that I should be flexible on when she could come. To this Mrs. Cunningham took up for her after reading the copies of emails I was sending her instead of just saving them for legal proof that I made attempts to compromise with Tiff as I originally had asked her too. Mrs. Cunningham told me when I had gone over to her home to see my daughter that Tiff did have a good point on the work thing despite the knowledge that Tiff always had some excuse to use to not see her son and that the work thing was just one that happened to make good sense to use. That's how I saw it anyway knowing Tiff's way of doing things having lived with her for almost two years whereas Mrs. Cunningham has never lived with her to know what I knew. This was just the beginning of Mrs. Cunningham's actions that proved she had not changed her ways of not standing up for me, but rather would stand up for her own worst enemy if only not have to stand up for me. I say this because I know Mrs. Cunningham loathes Tiff from her making excuses not to see her son when he was living with Crystal under Mrs. Cunningham's roof, and yet Mrs. Cunningham took up for Tiff instead of me and asked me to change my stand.
As I said, it was just the beginning. The next time was when I was working on a joint custody agreement that Tiff's grandma on Doug's side, Ellen Chickie Allemand a.k.a Maw-Maw Chickie, had once drawn up for Tiff and me. I had changed only a few things as far as the day Tiff's visitation would begin as well as adding some stipulations that would allow me to have the right as any father should to make sure his son was being left somewhere that was safe and sanitary as well as allowing Theo to use any discipline except for spanking on Austin. Tiff then complained that I should keep the holidays the same as they were, but I had never changed the holidays as they were originally written. However, because Tiff had once again picked an excuse that made good sense even though it was flawed because there was no mention of how it was never changed from how it always was and also no mention of how it wouldn't just be one person doing all the driving, but that both parent's were responsible for taking Austin to the other when it was the other parent's turn to have him, Mrs. Cunningham was quick to again take Tiff's side without getting all the correct info. This time she had sent me an email again telling me Tiff had a good point and that I should reconsider my stand. When I wrote her back telling her how it hurt me with her taking Tiff's side almost all the time and filling in that missing information, she responded by saying that she didn't know any of that before she said what she did. I politely responded that she should be sure to get all the facts before choosing sides, but I had no idea what the real reasons behind her doing just that were until I once again looked into my past and how she never did take my side on anything. She took George Bordelon's side when a police report of child abuse was made out complete with photos of bruises on my neck, arms, back, legs, and chest from his attack on me just the night before.She took my sister, Christine's, side whenever Christine would swear she had done the chores we were supposed to rotate every week doing even though it was me who had done them the week before. She took Tiff's side on everything, and she continues to take Crystal's side against me.
Now let's get to Crystal Pitre. I guess it is true you never know a person just by what they say online. I had fallen in love with her after meeting her online and all the good things she said about herself. It was so good that I was willing to look past our different interests and her being an indoor person whereas I was an outdoor person all because of the good things she said about herself which was true when I met her in person. There was just one thing I had wished I had know before getting involved with her. I wished I had know how much of a control freak she really was. Even before she was pregnant, she seemed like someone who just had to have control of everything. I was living with Doug, and she eventually moved in with us. He saw for himself and would confer with me his displeasure of how she was controlling me when it came to raising Austin and also not keeping up with her end of the bargain he had made with her for her to move in with us. She was supposed to watch Austin while I went to work, and keep the house clean. She would always complain about Doug's way of living and try to make him stop. Then, after we moved to her friend Katricia Autin a.k.a. Tish, she continued to control me with how I was to raise Austin. Then she found out she was pregnant. After a hurricane forced us to move into the house of a friend I was working with at the time, Ronnie Naquin, and his girlfriend at the time Tammy (now married to Ronnie), things got worse. She still controlled the raising of Austin, but then she began to control the way I spent my money, the job I just had to stay at even though I expressed my displeasure several times with how they were treating me and wanted to quit, she wouldn't even let me spend time with my friend Ronnie without bitching. The main thing, though, was when it came to naming our daughter after she had found out it was a girl. Before we had met, I had told her online that I had made a promise to my birth mother who had passed away in 2006 that my first baby girl should I have one would have Marie in her middle name in memory of my birth mother. When Crystal found out it was a girl, she said there would be no need to TRY and pick a name because she already knew what she wanted her name to be and that it would be Justice Faith. I told her again about my promise and suggested Faith Marie. Crystal said no, she wanted it to be Justice Faith because Justice was HER nickname in school and Faith was someone SHE knew. I said that she could have Justice Faith, but I wanted Marie as part of the middle name and suggested Justice Faith Marie, but she complained that it would be too long of a middle name and that she wanted Justice Faith. She ended by saying there would be no more discussion on that because Justice Faith was what it would be.
To make a long story short and cut to the chase, she controlled everything since we met and continues even until this day. My final straw was when she tried to control how I raised Justice when she had to go to work leaving me watching her since the girl was sick and could not go to daycare. Another thing Crystal had done from when Justice was just born was to run to her whenever she would scream. I advised her not to do that because Justice so used to that she would never be able to leave her sight without problems whenever Justice got older. My advice went ignored and Crystal now complains how she can't leave Justice's sight without Justice screaming. Of curse, she tries to blame me and my having to leave state due to unforeseen circumstances beyond my control by saying Justice only does that because she feels abandoned. How could she when Crystal was always running to her every time she would scream even after she had taken her from me when we broke up because of her controlling me too much and my having to back away to escape it. Back to what I want to talk about. Last week, I was over at Mrs. Cunningham's home because Justice was sick and Crystal had to go to work. I was going to stay from Monday night until Sunday evening since that weekend was going to be my weekend with my daughter anyway and it wouldn't have made since for Crystal to make too many trips back and forth. That Wednesday, Justice was not running fever or sick at all except for a very bad cough from screaming all night before because she couldn't see her mommy. Crystal refused to listen to my advice to send her to nursery since there seemed no reason for her to be kept home. Crystal then left to go to grab something for me to cook that night since she worked until 5 and wouldn't have time. Justice began screaming in her high chair the moment her mommy left. I then took a walk outside to show Justice screaming would not get her way with me. Crystal complained about this and Mrs. Cunningham took her side as usual.
I got so stressed that Theo and Tiff ( both of whom I am getting closer to once again) had to come get me and Austin out of there. I also let them take Austin with them to stay there. Now, I have decided to allow Tiff to be domicile parent instead of me because it would be more stable for him to live there due to my inability to handle too much stress and him possibly missing too much school with me whenever I got too stressed and had to give him to Tiff anyway. I actually think this way will work out much better for everyone.
To wrap this up, I sent an email to Mrs. Cunningham and Crystal trying to make peace with them and letting them know how I felt. No response as of yet, and I honestly don't think I will get one. I tried calling Crystal twice today. The first time I figured she may not have answered due to being busy with Justice, but the second time I left a voice message asking her to call me back. I have not heard back from her. I really think I know already that they have made their stand. It isn't with me, so I wash my hands of them both. I am sorry that my daughter will have to grow up without her father, but it was pretty much that way even with me there anyway. I'll let her know the truth when she grows up and seeks me out if she does. That's the end of my post for today. I'll be sure to write more as life goes on. As always, I want everyone to take care and be safe always.