Hello to all my readers once again. I have once again taken another step toward a change in my life. After my Mama, Lauralee, had a serious heart to heart with me about how bad my health has been getting due to my smoking habits last night, I have decided it is time to try and quit once more. Many times I have tried before to quit, and failed, now I am scared I will not succeed this time either. I know it's bad for me, and can eventually kill me, and it isn't that I don't care, but every time I get so stressed, I feel I have to smoke.
How can I make it easier to quit when my life is full of triggers causing me to want to smoke everywhere I turn? People yelling at one another constantly, cable/internet companies giving me the run-around when it comes to trying to get our internet connection to work properly, internet mysteriously working when the techs are here and then just as quickly not working once they leave, being bored almost all the time, and just wanting to smoke out of force of habit are just a few of my triggers. How can I combat these or any other triggers that come my way without using a cigarette as a tool to do it when I have pretty much programmed myself to use one?
In other news, my sister, Sheryl, is getting a hands on experience of what it is like to raise a real baby by having to take care of me like she would have to take care of it. The reason for this is because she is so set on wanting to have her own baby without being truly ready to have one. I say this due to her lack of being able to take care of her responsibilities she has now let alone the ones she will have if she ever does have a child. So far, I have only shown her bits and pieces of a two year old perspective, but I am hoping to have some diapers soon to where I can go even further back and show her what a newborn would be like. Anyway, that's all for now. Take care and be safe always everyone.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
September 19- How do you explain me?
Hello again readers. Today something very interesting occurred to me. Many times I have gotten the question, "Are you male or female?", and I honestly get stumped trying to answer. How can I explain just what I am to those who can only see what is on the outside? In a way, I want to say I am female, but my body is not female. I can't say male because to myself I'd be lying since I know myself to be female.
I try to tell people that I am female in a male body, but then they go and tell everyone I am male. Why does the body have to determine gender? Why can't people just accept the fact that I call myself female because that is what I know and feel myself to be? Then, the question hits me, what do I call myself? I can't say male or female, nor can I say I am both. If I put female, people call me a liar. If I put male, I am lying to myself. I can't say both because I don't have both parts to make me both. Either way, I seem to be stuck somewhere in the middle.
I wish we lived in a world where we all were whatever gender we said we were. Who cares if our body has parts only a male or female should have. Gender should not be determined by the body because it is not the body that makes us who we are. I have said this many times before, but I will say it again, you can create an artificial body, but you cannot create a soul. With no soul, the body is not truly alive. You can make artificial tissues, organs, and blood, but what good is it if there is no soul?
The soul is and always should be what determines gender. People need to wake up and hear this. Look to a person's soul and how they feel. If they say they are female, address them as such no matter what they appear to be on the outside. Don't ever judge someone by their outer appearance. If someone says they are female or male, chances are they have a female or male soul no matter what body they may have.
The one thing that ruins it for all of us is those who claim to be a gender they are not only to get with someone who otherwise may not want anything to do with them. I hate these kinds of people because then it makes it twice as hard for us who really do have the soul we say we have to ever be taken seriously. The other kinds of people I hate is those who lie about their gender only to exploit those like me and try to make us the liar while failing to mention how they themselves are lying. Where is honesty? Where is truth? Seems these days honesty and truth are just words with no meaning except to a slight few who actually uphold honesty and truth. I will not lie about myself. I am what I say I am, but what do I say I am? I am female no matter what anyone else will think. Take care and be safe always everyone.
I try to tell people that I am female in a male body, but then they go and tell everyone I am male. Why does the body have to determine gender? Why can't people just accept the fact that I call myself female because that is what I know and feel myself to be? Then, the question hits me, what do I call myself? I can't say male or female, nor can I say I am both. If I put female, people call me a liar. If I put male, I am lying to myself. I can't say both because I don't have both parts to make me both. Either way, I seem to be stuck somewhere in the middle.
I wish we lived in a world where we all were whatever gender we said we were. Who cares if our body has parts only a male or female should have. Gender should not be determined by the body because it is not the body that makes us who we are. I have said this many times before, but I will say it again, you can create an artificial body, but you cannot create a soul. With no soul, the body is not truly alive. You can make artificial tissues, organs, and blood, but what good is it if there is no soul?
The soul is and always should be what determines gender. People need to wake up and hear this. Look to a person's soul and how they feel. If they say they are female, address them as such no matter what they appear to be on the outside. Don't ever judge someone by their outer appearance. If someone says they are female or male, chances are they have a female or male soul no matter what body they may have.
The one thing that ruins it for all of us is those who claim to be a gender they are not only to get with someone who otherwise may not want anything to do with them. I hate these kinds of people because then it makes it twice as hard for us who really do have the soul we say we have to ever be taken seriously. The other kinds of people I hate is those who lie about their gender only to exploit those like me and try to make us the liar while failing to mention how they themselves are lying. Where is honesty? Where is truth? Seems these days honesty and truth are just words with no meaning except to a slight few who actually uphold honesty and truth. I will not lie about myself. I am what I say I am, but what do I say I am? I am female no matter what anyone else will think. Take care and be safe always everyone.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
September 18- I'm Back!!! What I Have Done So Far.
Hello once again to all my readers,
I'm back!!!!! After a very long hiatus, I have returned to begin posting what's new in the life of a woman trapped within the body of a man. When I last left you all, I had posted a warning about Gamesville.com, but I think it's time for some real posting to begin. I don't want to bore people with just random stuff anymore without giving them more of what this blog is supposed to be about. I started this blog to speak about my progress of bringing out the female from within to finally be seen on the outside for what I know I truly am. With that said, let me go now into today's topic. I want to talk about where I am in my transitional process, but first a little bit more from my past. Some of this post may be repeat of what I have already said in posts before, but I need to say it again for those who may just now be tuning in.
Being born in a male body, when adopted, my parents treated and dressed me as such. When I began to be more feminine, they couldn't understand. Then, when I told my mom one day at 12 years old that I felt more like a female, I was told that God made me a male, and that trying to change myself to be anything but was sinful. I suppressed my feelings not wanting to go against God and never spoke of it again.
Several years passed, I once again began to explore the feelings I had back when I was 12 and at the age of 30, I tried once again to talk to my mom about how I felt. This time, she blamed the internet for how I was feeling and that I should stop believing the things I read online. She still would not understand that I truly did feel like a female.
What was worse was what happened just last year when I somehow found myself involved in a religious cult that tried to tell me it was a demon inside me making me feel like a female. I wanted so badly to be in God's good graces that I was starting to allow them to brainwash me until I began to see them for what they really were. I once again lost sight of my true self until it occurred to me that God did indeed make us in God's image. God is female to those who believe Her to be and male to those who believe Him to be, but truth is, God is really a spirit having no gender or even possibly having both genders. Science made the body, but God makes the spirit.
It was my sister's mother-in-law that opened my eyes to the fact that God intended me to be female, but science somehow screwed up and created a male body for the female spirit God had made for me. Because of her continuous support for my choice to be female despite my male outer form, I am proud to say that I have at least begun dressing as a female part of the time except when going places that just would never accept it. I'm 32 now, and my life, I feel, is just beginning. Like the phoenix, I have been reborn from the ashes of all those who burned me by trying to keep me from being what I truly am. I am female, and proud to be. Take care and be safe always everyone.
I'm back!!!!! After a very long hiatus, I have returned to begin posting what's new in the life of a woman trapped within the body of a man. When I last left you all, I had posted a warning about Gamesville.com, but I think it's time for some real posting to begin. I don't want to bore people with just random stuff anymore without giving them more of what this blog is supposed to be about. I started this blog to speak about my progress of bringing out the female from within to finally be seen on the outside for what I know I truly am. With that said, let me go now into today's topic. I want to talk about where I am in my transitional process, but first a little bit more from my past. Some of this post may be repeat of what I have already said in posts before, but I need to say it again for those who may just now be tuning in.
Being born in a male body, when adopted, my parents treated and dressed me as such. When I began to be more feminine, they couldn't understand. Then, when I told my mom one day at 12 years old that I felt more like a female, I was told that God made me a male, and that trying to change myself to be anything but was sinful. I suppressed my feelings not wanting to go against God and never spoke of it again.
Several years passed, I once again began to explore the feelings I had back when I was 12 and at the age of 30, I tried once again to talk to my mom about how I felt. This time, she blamed the internet for how I was feeling and that I should stop believing the things I read online. She still would not understand that I truly did feel like a female.
What was worse was what happened just last year when I somehow found myself involved in a religious cult that tried to tell me it was a demon inside me making me feel like a female. I wanted so badly to be in God's good graces that I was starting to allow them to brainwash me until I began to see them for what they really were. I once again lost sight of my true self until it occurred to me that God did indeed make us in God's image. God is female to those who believe Her to be and male to those who believe Him to be, but truth is, God is really a spirit having no gender or even possibly having both genders. Science made the body, but God makes the spirit.
It was my sister's mother-in-law that opened my eyes to the fact that God intended me to be female, but science somehow screwed up and created a male body for the female spirit God had made for me. Because of her continuous support for my choice to be female despite my male outer form, I am proud to say that I have at least begun dressing as a female part of the time except when going places that just would never accept it. I'm 32 now, and my life, I feel, is just beginning. Like the phoenix, I have been reborn from the ashes of all those who burned me by trying to keep me from being what I truly am. I am female, and proud to be. Take care and be safe always everyone.
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