August 12- I'm Not A Man; Not Yet A Woman.

I realize now that there is so much I have to do in order to be the woman I am inside. For one, I have to find someone experienced in the field of gender identity. The counselor I have is okay if I just want someone I know will be non-judgmental to talk to, but I honestly must find some way to get a hold of someone that actually knows what they are doing and can help me instead of making me feel like a crash test dummy for them to learn about this from. I'm not supposed to be seeing a counselor to be a teacher to THEM. They are supposed to be able to coach ME on what happens and what I should do to get to each step needed in the transition process.
I went to see her for the first time Tuesday morning. It was an okay meeting, and she learned a lot about me and how I feel inside. It was great to be able to get a lot of things off of my chest, but I feel it could have gone better. I know that the first few sessions are a getting to know period, but right from the get go, she admitted to not being skilled in the area of gender identity. She didn't even do research before I got there as I thought she might have. For that reason, most of the session was me teaching her the difference between gender identity and sexuality for she believed like most people do that the two were intertwined with each other as far as a transsexual to be someone who is gay or bisexual and cold not be straight. Of course, thanks to my research, I know that to be untrue. Depending on whether it is a male to female transsexual or a female to male transsexual, a transsexual can indeed be straight by going with the opposite sex of which they are trying to become. They could also go with the same sex or both or even none at all. Gender is not sex and sex is not gender. All I know is that I am not a man because I don't feel like one, but I am also not yet a woman until I complete my transition.
One other thing I want to talk about is the taboos surrounding men and women. My online mommy was telling me the other day about some guys getting on her about her knowledge of cars because they feel she is a girl so being such prohibits her knowledge of cars being taken seriously. I have had pretty much the same experience, but on the opposite end of the spectrum. It happened yesterday when my daughter's mother returned from picking up our daughter from nursery. I have been staying at my mom's house these past few days watching my son because he could not go to nursery due to hand, foot, and mouth disease. I was outside in the front yard with him watching him very carefully and making sure he was safe. Of course, she freaked and jumped my bones about having him in the front yard near the street which he wasn't even close to being. Anyway, she went in and my mom came out, and told me that a woman is always right no matter what, so even though I was watching him the best I could and keeping him safe, I had to tell Crystal that it was stupid of me to have him in the front yard thereby ceasing any argument from taking place. What the hell? First thing I was thinking was, "Why should a man (or a person who is seen as such) have to give in to a woman just for being a man? Since when did women become so powerful that men have to grovel and apologize even when they did nothing wrong?" The next thing that came to mind was, "So because I am seen as a man, I'm not supposed to know how to keep my child safe more than what a woman can do?" There seems to be people who do not realize that women are just as EQUAL to men as men are EQUAL to women. There are some things that women know that men know too, and maybe they may know even better than the women. Then there are some things that men know that women also know, and maybe they may know even better than the men. Today's society needs to open their eyes and stop putting gender into categories of what each gender can or cannot do or are supposed to know. Especially now with the whole idea of gender being broadened to include those who were born in a male or female body, but have minds and souls of the opposite gender. Then, let's not forget all the other gender categories that fall under the whole transgender umbrella. They too deserve just as equal of rights to know and be able to do whatever they wish to do despite what they may appear to be or may actually be.
That's all I have for today. Until next time that I write, take care and be safe always everyone.