May 20th- Hero Complex?

I have once again been doing a little soul searching to try and figure myself out. This time, I have been evaluating my compulsion to help anyone in need so much that in the end my own needs get overlooked. I thought back to all the times I would go without just because someone else needed help and also the times when I would beat myself up when I could not help without having the means to do so. One thought had come to me a few days ago. Maybe I have a hero complex if there is such a thing. Yesterday, I tried to explain it to myself the only way I knew how. Maybe I have this hero complex because rather than face the truth of me being the one who truly needs help, I want to mask this by exerting all my focus on helping others instead. This lead me to just now looking up hero complex on the web to see if there truly was such a thing. I got this from Wikibin.org:

Hero Complex

The Hero Complex is a compulsion to help others and make the world right. Although not officially considered a disorder or disease, there is an increasing number of people who 'suffer' from it. Many fictitious heroes and main characters seem to have this as well, but note that there is a difference between helping others out of choice and feeling compelled to. It may also be associated with Zoological Altruism- Instinctive cooperative behavior that is detrimental to the individual but contributes to the survival of close relatives, thus making it more likely to be passed on.

Traits
Those who have a "Hero Complex" tend to feel that the current life they live is insufficient. For most, the need will ebb and flow. There will be days where they will ask questions like why they have had the role thrust upon them, if what they're doing is really going to make a difference, and sometimes even why they care in the first place.

Many believe that they could do more if they had the means to, whether it is in terms of money, power, or something else held in prestige. Most wait quietly believing that someday they will find these means, although some go out to "find" them on their own. They also often ask the question 'is this really enough?' or 'am I doing the right thing?' Usually such questions have a demoralizing effect, but many who have the Hero Complex will be motivated to find these answers. They are very loyal and dependable, and when given a challenge will almost always find a way to complete it...if they see it as a useful challenge. These traits make them great leaders and friends, for their extensive thought process makes them great at giving advice and opinions in addition to lending their abilities and talents when they can. However, the universal respect societies have for such people leads many to ignore the negative implications. Their high standards might not only carry the risk of overextending themselves and causing depression and withdrawal, they might lead the individual to become destructive (see "Villain-Complex" below).

In fulfilling these desires, they will take on a more benevolent behavior, and 'unlock' the true meanings of themselves. This is the true need of those who have a Hero Complex.

The person suffering from true Hero Complex will have hallucinations of saving the people they care about most. They have day dreams that include saving friends/family from fires, drowning, etc. They can also get a feeling inside of them like their stomach dropped ten feet. This usually occurs when they view someone in pain. Whether its a movie, video game, or real life, their Hero Complex can be triggered by someone elses misfortune. Crying is a big weakness for those with Hero Complex. Even if the person in need is an enemy, a Hero Complex will try to help. As stated above, this is not just having a "big heart" it is a compulsion to help others. If they don't they feel horrid and think they aren't good people.

Causes
While not everyone who has been disappointed at some point in their lives will develop a hero complex, almost everyone with one has been in some way or another. One cause may be trying to atone for a sense of worthlessness. This sense may be caused by underlying stress from the inability to complete certain everyday tasks. Alternatively, because of the lack of modern-day heroes, the sufferer may be trying to compensate for a loss of 'icons' in modern societies, and they look inward instead of outward for their own gratification. They may feel guilt for not helping others in the past, or they may have felt pain at a previous point in their lives and are motivated by fear of seeing that pain inflicted on others.

Coping
Although there is no "treatment", many look for ways to find release from their troubled worlds instead of having to confront it. Often, a release can be found in video games, because of their allowance for one to enact heroic roles, or in personifications of heroes (i.e. Movies and comics or role-playing). The effects are not permanent, but can lead to an addiction to false realities. Perhaps the best thing for "victims" to do is accept there are some things we cannot change and others just need time. At other times, the best thing to do is to try to make a change, as long as the goal is within reach.

Villain Complex
A few of those who have the Hero Complex may begin to turn towards the 'dark side'. This can happen to those who either have an objective so narrow (acquiring power, defeating a nemesis) that they lose sight of everything else, or those who become so powerful they begin to use might alone to set things right. The need to help becomes the want to hurt. They often lose sight of those they are trying to help, who they might even come to despise as weak and deserving of punishment. They become intolerable of weakness and anything that deviates from their vision of a perfect world, and before long, they become the oppressors when all they wanted was to set things right. Some, like Anakin Skywalker, do not even realize they are hurting those they were trying to help and do not see the negative impact they are having.

If left in this thinking too long, they may become unrecoverable.


Though many of these listed traits actually do fit me, there's also something not included in this. In fact, my cousin, Craig Aucoin, said it best yesterday when I made a comment that I don't like spending too much money. He said, "On yourself, you don't, but you sure love spending it on others." I had to stop in my tracks because I wanted to argue with him, but dang it, he was so very correct in saying that. I would more likely spend money on what others want or need, than when it would come to something I wanted or needed. With others, it doesn't matter how much it costs. They wouldn't even have to exert a desperate need for it. All someone would have to do is say they wish they had something and immediately I feel compelled to do whatever I could to get it for them and feel so bad about it when I couldn't.
Notice this also has a bit about the reverse of the hero complex, the Villain Complex. The part in the Villain Complex that states that soon "the need to help becomes the want to hurt" is rather vague. Does this mean the want to hurt others or the want to be hurt? I don't ever want to hurt others, but I almost do feel the want to be hurt. I do have this programmed theory that everyone ends up hurting me in the end one way or another due to my having been hurt so many times by people I thought I could trust, and maybe I feel so strongly about this programmed response that I actually do tend to set myself up to be hurt just to prove the theory right. Still, I cannot see how this fits the whole Hero Complex or even a Villain one. A villain to me is someone who gets off on hurting others because they are better, stronger, faster, or smarter than the ones they hurt and are out to prove this by any means necessary. They strive to be on top even if it means using deceiving, lying, manipulating, or cruel means to do just this. That, I know for damn sure is NOT me! Sure, I do sometimes wish the ones I help would help me in return and get totally discouraged when they don't even to the point I would get angry at them for not doing so. Still, I do know that there are some I help that can't help but want to and also those who can but won't. Either way, I couldn't see myself forcing anyone to help me or trying to be on top by any means necessary. I am very content with being on the bottom because I know that I'm the one holding everyone up. We can't all be at the top because someone has to be at the bottom, right? Is this line of thinking part of the Hero Complex? You tell me so we will both know. Maybe it is time to "turn in my cape" and start helping myself for a change, but that is easier said than done. Take care and be safe always everyone.