Today, all my readers get a special treat. Two posts in one day. Although, this is not really a treat as for what I have to say. It is really a retraction of everything I had once said about my son's, (Austin Michael Bordelon) birth mother (Tiffany Lynn Williams). It seems everything I had been told from Cheryl Cunningham and Crystal Pitre about her was a lie to turn me against her as they were telling her lies about me to turn her against me. Tiff never did abandon her son. She did try her best to have contact with her son, but she was kept out of the loop. When I gave Crystal the phone number here to give to Tiff, it was never passed along. Crystal told me she did not have Tiff's phone number for me to be able to call her, but after events of Wednesday, somehow she had Tiff's phone number then. She had told Tiff not believe anything I said because it would be nothing but lies. She had been telling Tiff that it was I who was trying to keep Tiff from her son which is not nor ever will be the truth. The truth is, I was trying to get Crystal to get Tiff more involved with our son and she would tell me that Tiff didn't care about her son and did not need to be included in anything that dealt with him.
I was even told that Tiff had all the numbers she needed to call and check on our son, but according to Tiff's grandmother, Chickie Allemand, Crystal refused to give Tiff her phone number. I was told that Theo had refused to go to Austin's party because he would have to kick my ass if he did go. Theo said this was a lie and that if he did say anything it was more like that he would have to kick my ass IF I started anything with him. Then it was either said to Tiff or misunderstood from an email I sent her after I was told that Tiff would only call to see if Austin was talking yet and then hang up that if she showed up at Austin's party, I would kick her ass. My email stated that if she was only wanting to hide in the shadows until Austin could talk and then try and come and steal him away from me, I would kick her ass then. I never said anything about if she showed up at the party. It was me who actually convinced Crystal to invite Tiff to be a part of Austin's birthday. Meanwhile, Tiff was being told all kinds of lies about me.
I just want all my readers to know that this is just down-right sick to think someone would stoop so low as to get two parent's of a child fighting each other just to try and take that child from both of them while they were too busy fighting each other to really stand strong and fight who really needed to be fought. I apologize publicly to Tiff and Theo for everything that was said about them because of my being blind to see the truth of what was really going on. I just hope we can forgive one another and move on as the true parents of Austin as we should and no longer be caught believing what someone else says about us and end up fighting against each other once again instead of staying best friends for our son's sake.
Learn from our mistake and never trust what someone tells you someone else said. Instead go straight to the person who supposedly said these things and ask them the truth.
Friday, November 26, 2010
November 26- One Step Foward; Two Back (Poem I Wrote About How I Feel Inside)
One Step Forward; Two Back
I hear the screams resound
from deep within my soul
as another day goes by
with me no closer to my goal.
A young child trapped deep inside;
a girl with no one to call her own.
Deep in the caverns of my mind,
she now must walk the paths alone.
Aimlessly wandering as though blind
with no light to guide her home,
it seems she will forever be lost;
a stranger wherever she doth roam.
Who will come to her aide now
to help her from out of the caves?
Who will take her by the hand
and show her the true love she craves?
When my eyes lose their sight,
and all I see is the deepest black,
I will still be taking one step forward
but always falling two steps back.
Written By:
Kayden Renee Phoenix
Kayden Renee Phoenix
Thursday, November 25, 2010
November 25- Enough Is Enough
It's Thanksgiving Day, and it's supposed to be a time to gather with family around the table with everyone taking turns saying what they are thankful for. Notice I said "supposed to be." I say that for two reasons. One, I don't have any true family anymore. The state of Louisiana along with some ill choices of my birth mother and father saw to that from the very beginning. Then, the family that is legally my family by law now due to adoption only added to that pain by physically abusing me and neglecting to stand up for me to save me from the physical abuse. Even my own sister by blood who was adopted with me refused to speak up and stand by me in making sure that man paid for trying to kill me that one dreadful day that had she not stopped him, he would have succeeded. Because of all of that, they are nor ever was family to me. My birth father may be my father by blood, but by law he no longer is, so he is not my family either. My so-called "uncle", Leonie Aucoin , has made it perfectly clear to me that he is no longer my uncle since his divorce from my birth mother's sister, so strike another family out of the picture with the loss of him and his family considering me as part of them.
Next, we come to "my?" daughter. When it comes to "my?" daughter, I can't consider her family even though her mother claims she is of my blood because her mother refuses to let me have anything to do with her. At first, I thought nothing of it because it started with her mother always coming down on me whenever I tried to help with both her and my son. Her mother always was one to try and control how both kids would be raised even with Austin not being her son by blood, and every time I tried to help, she would tell me how to raise them whether it was telling me what I should be doing or telling me what I should not do. Now, however, with her refusing me every time I ask to have "my?" daughter come over to my house and stay with me every other weekend at least and also not letting me help in any way with raising my so-called daughter, I am beginning to wonder if this girl she has with her is actually MY daughter. How can I ever consider her mine, if her mother refuses to let me bond with her in any way, shape, or form? How can I bond at all with her in just the few times her mother brings her over when coming to pick Austin up for the weekend and dropping him off after the weekend is over and leaving as soon as she has Austin aside from the ONE or TWO times her mother came and actually stayed for an hour or two? Why, if this girl is mine, does her mother refuse me the time to bond? I'm sure her mother will come up with that it is MY fault due to having left the state after her mother took her from me when she left me over something said online which she had no business in the first place reading over my shoulder which is a sure sign to me she never did have trust with me. Wouldn't be the first time, which I will explain later. No, I honestly think that girl she had is for someone else. I can't prove it without a blood test done, but the facts just don't add up. With what I explained, plus the fact I surely remember not being home the day that girl was conceived due to being at work at a temp agency, plus how quickly her mother wanted to leave from my son's birth mother's father's house after my birthday which was the day the girl was conceived, plus my son's birth mother's father's attitude changing toward the girl's mother just doesn't make any sense to me and points to the fact that maybe that girl is not mine but is in fact my son's birth mother's sister.
Now let's move on to my son and what this post is really all about. I have decided after two full months of dealing with my son acting like he does not have to listen to me after coming back from seeing his "half-sister?" with her mother as well as Cheryl Cunningham (the woman who refused to stand up for me after being adopted by her and that asshole who physically abused me) watching him, that my son is not going over there anymore. Of course the excuse given for him not listening to me was that it was MY fault due to having left him when I did. As soon as I asked where else I was supposed to go, the phone was quickly hung up because "my?" daughter's mother didn't want to hear the truth of why I had no choice when I did leave. Anyway, that only solves half of the problem of his not listening to me. The other half comes in to play with each and every day there was always someone going behind my back and undermining my authority by telling my son opposite of whatever I had told him along with trying to control me by telling me what I should or should not be doing when it comes to raising him. After two months of this, I have had enough. I am going to contact my son's birth mother's father and have him come and get my son to take care of him until I have a home (not on rent and not with anyone else) of my own. It will be a huge 5 bedroom home to where I can have a room for my son, a room for me, a computer room, a guest room, and a special room for all my fetish equipment. That room will be locked at all times and no one but me and my partner will be allowed inside. Only then will I be able to raise my son my way and with no one to interfere.
Anyway, I am done with all of this. It is causing me too much stress to have to worry about being both mother and father to my son, him refusing to listen to me due to people who are not standing behind me and teaching him not to obey me, and people who keep trying to control how I raise my son. It's time to stand up for myself and start making steps toward my own personal freedom.
Next, we come to "my?" daughter. When it comes to "my?" daughter, I can't consider her family even though her mother claims she is of my blood because her mother refuses to let me have anything to do with her. At first, I thought nothing of it because it started with her mother always coming down on me whenever I tried to help with both her and my son. Her mother always was one to try and control how both kids would be raised even with Austin not being her son by blood, and every time I tried to help, she would tell me how to raise them whether it was telling me what I should be doing or telling me what I should not do. Now, however, with her refusing me every time I ask to have "my?" daughter come over to my house and stay with me every other weekend at least and also not letting me help in any way with raising my so-called daughter, I am beginning to wonder if this girl she has with her is actually MY daughter. How can I ever consider her mine, if her mother refuses to let me bond with her in any way, shape, or form? How can I bond at all with her in just the few times her mother brings her over when coming to pick Austin up for the weekend and dropping him off after the weekend is over and leaving as soon as she has Austin aside from the ONE or TWO times her mother came and actually stayed for an hour or two? Why, if this girl is mine, does her mother refuse me the time to bond? I'm sure her mother will come up with that it is MY fault due to having left the state after her mother took her from me when she left me over something said online which she had no business in the first place reading over my shoulder which is a sure sign to me she never did have trust with me. Wouldn't be the first time, which I will explain later. No, I honestly think that girl she had is for someone else. I can't prove it without a blood test done, but the facts just don't add up. With what I explained, plus the fact I surely remember not being home the day that girl was conceived due to being at work at a temp agency, plus how quickly her mother wanted to leave from my son's birth mother's father's house after my birthday which was the day the girl was conceived, plus my son's birth mother's father's attitude changing toward the girl's mother just doesn't make any sense to me and points to the fact that maybe that girl is not mine but is in fact my son's birth mother's sister.
Now let's move on to my son and what this post is really all about. I have decided after two full months of dealing with my son acting like he does not have to listen to me after coming back from seeing his "half-sister?" with her mother as well as Cheryl Cunningham (the woman who refused to stand up for me after being adopted by her and that asshole who physically abused me) watching him, that my son is not going over there anymore. Of course the excuse given for him not listening to me was that it was MY fault due to having left him when I did. As soon as I asked where else I was supposed to go, the phone was quickly hung up because "my?" daughter's mother didn't want to hear the truth of why I had no choice when I did leave. Anyway, that only solves half of the problem of his not listening to me. The other half comes in to play with each and every day there was always someone going behind my back and undermining my authority by telling my son opposite of whatever I had told him along with trying to control me by telling me what I should or should not be doing when it comes to raising him. After two months of this, I have had enough. I am going to contact my son's birth mother's father and have him come and get my son to take care of him until I have a home (not on rent and not with anyone else) of my own. It will be a huge 5 bedroom home to where I can have a room for my son, a room for me, a computer room, a guest room, and a special room for all my fetish equipment. That room will be locked at all times and no one but me and my partner will be allowed inside. Only then will I be able to raise my son my way and with no one to interfere.
Anyway, I am done with all of this. It is causing me too much stress to have to worry about being both mother and father to my son, him refusing to listen to me due to people who are not standing behind me and teaching him not to obey me, and people who keep trying to control how I raise my son. It's time to stand up for myself and start making steps toward my own personal freedom.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
November 24th- Past The Deep End
I always wondered what going over and beyond the deep end of a severe emotional breakdown would be like. I found out just that today, and now I wish I had never gone there because I don't think I can ever come back. Now I see how much I have been lying to myself and to my son trying to pretend I was strong enough to not allow myself to become the monster that George Vincent Bordelon was and the one that Cheryl Guidry Bordelon (now Cunningham) and Christine Elizabeth Bordelon allowed George to be.
I was not strong enough, and after three days of my 3 year old son refusing to listen to me for anything but being defiant to the very end, I broke. The monster those three formed inside me broke free from the prison I had built to keep it locked away. I lost control and used a belt on my son. After realizing what I had become, I actually cried in front of him and begged his forgiveness, but I can't take it back. Knowing that, I am lost because now I will never be the same again. I will never be able to forgive myself even if my son does forgive me. I tried everything to keep him safe from something like that ever happening. I failed.
I don't know what else to do with him anymore. I have tried being kind, tried showing him all the love he needs, tried standing up for him where no one ever stood up for me, tried keeping him from harm, tried being stern, tried being mean and ugly, tried being patient as long as I could and further, but yet my son must hate me because he continues to do everything he wants no matter who tells him no. He continues to defy authority anyway he can. My last option is to just throw my hands up and leave him to his own, and when he is older and in serious trouble with the law because of his attitude, I hope he looks back and thinks of all I did to try and raise him better any way I could. It's not that I want to give up on him, and in my heart I never will, but I can't keep going on with trying to make him listen any more and risk going even further down into the pits of hell that I surely hope George, Cheryl, Christine, and all the others who refused to ever stand up for me will go. Trust me, if I end up with them in heaven or in hell, there will not be enough room to contain the mayhem that will transpire. Heaven will crumble, and Hell will have a new ruler.
I am dead. George, Cheryl, and Christine are beyond dead. I don't wish to bring myself to their level.
I was not strong enough, and after three days of my 3 year old son refusing to listen to me for anything but being defiant to the very end, I broke. The monster those three formed inside me broke free from the prison I had built to keep it locked away. I lost control and used a belt on my son. After realizing what I had become, I actually cried in front of him and begged his forgiveness, but I can't take it back. Knowing that, I am lost because now I will never be the same again. I will never be able to forgive myself even if my son does forgive me. I tried everything to keep him safe from something like that ever happening. I failed.
I don't know what else to do with him anymore. I have tried being kind, tried showing him all the love he needs, tried standing up for him where no one ever stood up for me, tried keeping him from harm, tried being stern, tried being mean and ugly, tried being patient as long as I could and further, but yet my son must hate me because he continues to do everything he wants no matter who tells him no. He continues to defy authority anyway he can. My last option is to just throw my hands up and leave him to his own, and when he is older and in serious trouble with the law because of his attitude, I hope he looks back and thinks of all I did to try and raise him better any way I could. It's not that I want to give up on him, and in my heart I never will, but I can't keep going on with trying to make him listen any more and risk going even further down into the pits of hell that I surely hope George, Cheryl, Christine, and all the others who refused to ever stand up for me will go. Trust me, if I end up with them in heaven or in hell, there will not be enough room to contain the mayhem that will transpire. Heaven will crumble, and Hell will have a new ruler.
I am dead. George, Cheryl, and Christine are beyond dead. I don't wish to bring myself to their level.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
November 18- Could I Have Been Wrong All This Time?
Besides being a male to female transsexual, there is also another part of what makes me who I am. This part is one that I have been thinking of as being an adult baby. It always seemed so wrong to include myself with them being everyone seemed to classify it as a sex fetish. To me it was not then nor is it now anything I would consider sexual. It's more of something inside of me that I feel makes me all of who and what I am. I also found it strange how most adult babies could, if they had to, give up being an adult baby without it hurting them emotionally in any way. I, on the other hand, could not no matter how many people told me that it was not natural. Another thing that I found strange was that whenever I did regress, a part of me really didn't want to act that way, but it was like something I myself could not control.
I was just reading something in a very good friend of mine's blog on here and some words she put in her about me struck something in my mind. "I know I am very baby like in many ways and has got me teased and harassed a lot. but if I hid it I get depressed," she had stated along with, "I am what my Daddys calls a True Baby, not to be confused with a Adult Baby. See an AB is a baby for sexual reason. For me its just a way of life really."
This got me thinking back to all the times I called myself an adult baby and how I always told everyone that it was never a sexual thing to me but rather just a part of who I was. I know someties when I am stressed out or have difficult decisions to make, I tend to find myself regressing even when I don't mean to. I also get depressed a lot when I have to hide being a baby as well finding my temper gets more and more easier to set off the longer I stay away from being a baby. I do know how to be an adult when I have to be, but I don't like being an adult. One other thing that makes me think is knowing that I honestly do get a tinge of sibling jealousy when it comes to actual babies. It's not that I mean to get jealous, but rather just something inside me that gets me feeling that way.
I do admit I have a sexual attraction to just diapers themselves, but when I regress I want nothing to do with sex. All I want at that time is a mommy AND a daddy to love me and care for me as they would an actual baby with no sex involved. Maybe I am not a true Adult Baby. Maybe what I am is a TRUE baby and a Diaper Lover (DL). Could I have been wrong all these years in classifying myself amongst the adult babies?
Honestly, I think I already know why I have this tendency to be a baby. When you think about how I was taken from my true birth parents due to their lack of being able to raise me properly, pushed from home to home to where I never really got that much love from parents as a baby, and then when finally adopted was not shown much love from parents even then but instead was abused physically, mentally, and emotionally, you can actually say that the baby I was got mentally frozen inside of me due to all that trauma and wants to try and live again. The Diaper Lover fetish, I know comes from the way I was molested at 3 by the foster mother I was with.
It's so hard, though, to get someone who would understand and actually be the mommy and daddy that I need to maybe once and for all allow that baby to come out full time and be raised the way a baby should be raised in love, care, and support. Just about everyone tells me that I need to stop trying to get back my childhood because once it is gone whether good or bad, there is no going back. They are right in one way, but what they don't seem to get is that we all are only as young or as old as we feel we are inside. My body may have grown up, but my mind has not. Then of course with my mind still being a baby and my soul being a female, I guess I am always going to be a little baby girl until the baby in me gets the chance to actually live again. Only then do I feel my mind will be able to mature the right way. Of course, being so late in the game of life, I don't think my mind will ever be able to catch up to my body, but at least I hope it will have a chance to live before I pass into the next life.
I was just reading something in a very good friend of mine's blog on here and some words she put in her about me struck something in my mind. "I know I am very baby like in many ways and has got me teased and harassed a lot. but if I hid it I get depressed," she had stated along with, "I am what my Daddys calls a True Baby, not to be confused with a Adult Baby. See an AB is a baby for sexual reason. For me its just a way of life really."
This got me thinking back to all the times I called myself an adult baby and how I always told everyone that it was never a sexual thing to me but rather just a part of who I was. I know someties when I am stressed out or have difficult decisions to make, I tend to find myself regressing even when I don't mean to. I also get depressed a lot when I have to hide being a baby as well finding my temper gets more and more easier to set off the longer I stay away from being a baby. I do know how to be an adult when I have to be, but I don't like being an adult. One other thing that makes me think is knowing that I honestly do get a tinge of sibling jealousy when it comes to actual babies. It's not that I mean to get jealous, but rather just something inside me that gets me feeling that way.
I do admit I have a sexual attraction to just diapers themselves, but when I regress I want nothing to do with sex. All I want at that time is a mommy AND a daddy to love me and care for me as they would an actual baby with no sex involved. Maybe I am not a true Adult Baby. Maybe what I am is a TRUE baby and a Diaper Lover (DL). Could I have been wrong all these years in classifying myself amongst the adult babies?
Honestly, I think I already know why I have this tendency to be a baby. When you think about how I was taken from my true birth parents due to their lack of being able to raise me properly, pushed from home to home to where I never really got that much love from parents as a baby, and then when finally adopted was not shown much love from parents even then but instead was abused physically, mentally, and emotionally, you can actually say that the baby I was got mentally frozen inside of me due to all that trauma and wants to try and live again. The Diaper Lover fetish, I know comes from the way I was molested at 3 by the foster mother I was with.
It's so hard, though, to get someone who would understand and actually be the mommy and daddy that I need to maybe once and for all allow that baby to come out full time and be raised the way a baby should be raised in love, care, and support. Just about everyone tells me that I need to stop trying to get back my childhood because once it is gone whether good or bad, there is no going back. They are right in one way, but what they don't seem to get is that we all are only as young or as old as we feel we are inside. My body may have grown up, but my mind has not. Then of course with my mind still being a baby and my soul being a female, I guess I am always going to be a little baby girl until the baby in me gets the chance to actually live again. Only then do I feel my mind will be able to mature the right way. Of course, being so late in the game of life, I don't think my mind will ever be able to catch up to my body, but at least I hope it will have a chance to live before I pass into the next life.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
November 17- 5 Steps To Healthier Living
I know people struggle with difficulty throughout their whole life. I am doing this topic as an advice topic to help everyone on here to be able to get through these difficulties and hopefully promote healthier living for us all. A lot of people may look at the title of this topic and think I am talking about eating right, living drug free, and other such things that many associate with healthy living. However, I am actually speaking about things that come from within and not what a person can do with to their body to live healthier. Sure eating right, living drug free, and physical exercise helps to keep the physical body healthy, but what can we do to keep our mind, soul, and emotions healthy?
Here are 5 Steps that if followed will indeed help everyone on the track to keeping every part of what makes us unique healthy:
Step One: Determine exactly who and what you are. This can be done by asking yourself these questions: What (man, woman, transgender, bi, straight, gay, or lesbian) do you feel you are? What is it you enjoy doing? What do you not enjoy doing?
Step Two: Establish your own identity. This is done by using the answers to the previous step's questions. Take those answers to discover just who and what you truly are inside.
Step Three: Take necessary steps to become the true you. To do this there are other steps that you may need to take. What steps and the number of them that need to be taken depend on who you truly feel you are and how close to that you feel you are.
Step Four: Remind yourself daily of who and what you are inside. Always remember to look past the way you look on the outside. Also, this will help greatly to be able to ignore what others feel you should or should not be or do.
Step Five: Live your life your way and do not get caught up in living the way other people would want you to live. Keep in mind that you also have to respect others by not letting your true self interfere in other people's feelings, opinions, and life choices.
Here are 5 Steps that if followed will indeed help everyone on the track to keeping every part of what makes us unique healthy:
Step One: Determine exactly who and what you are. This can be done by asking yourself these questions: What (man, woman, transgender, bi, straight, gay, or lesbian) do you feel you are? What is it you enjoy doing? What do you not enjoy doing?
Step Two: Establish your own identity. This is done by using the answers to the previous step's questions. Take those answers to discover just who and what you truly are inside.
Step Three: Take necessary steps to become the true you. To do this there are other steps that you may need to take. What steps and the number of them that need to be taken depend on who you truly feel you are and how close to that you feel you are.
Step Four: Remind yourself daily of who and what you are inside. Always remember to look past the way you look on the outside. Also, this will help greatly to be able to ignore what others feel you should or should not be or do.
Step Five: Live your life your way and do not get caught up in living the way other people would want you to live. Keep in mind that you also have to respect others by not letting your true self interfere in other people's feelings, opinions, and life choices.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
November 16- Learning To Weigh In
This will be a follow up to my last post. The next step to making a good choice of anything after doing good research on all options is to weigh in all the pros and cons of each option you have. Using that list, you can then see which option would be worth the time, stress, or even money if money happens to be involved. In order to illustrate how to do this, I will use two virtual worlds, Second Life and Utherverse. Just to be absolutely clear, this illustration is for example only and not to try and force anyone to join either one, so to those people who want to think otherwise, think whatever you like. Also, this illustration is based on my personal opinion and others may feel differently.
Let me begin with Utherverse.
Pros: clearer and more realistic graphics and movements, easier clothing placement, option to auction off rays (the name of the in-world currency) privately for real cash, VIP benefits come immediately and can be gifted to another member who may be less fortunate, free first property comes with unlimited dimensions and can be decorated however the user can imagine it, an option to become an affiliate and earn actual cash money on a commission basis for those whom you get to become a paid member, and more easier ways to earn rays daily
Cons: when you send messages to non-friends it costs .10 rays for each message, lags more often than most, codes need to be learned in order to dress up avatar (to some this may be more a pro than a con, but not to others), ticket system takes forever for problems to be dealt with, and there is a limit on how many people can be in a certain area
Next we have Second Life.
Pros: ability to fly in lands that allow flying, no codes are needed to dress avatar, no limit on number of people allowed in a certain area, and has more choices that are sure to match whatever a user is interested in
Cons: editing outfits to fit an avatar can be troublesome to most people, outfits that cannot be re-sized require a resizing of the avatar making previous edited clothing no longer fitting properly, lags, premium benefits cannot be gifted to a less fortunate person, premium benefits take 45 days before being given, free home can only be decorated within a set limit of prims (building blocks of objects in-world; the more prims an object has, the more strain it makes on the server to make the object appear in-world) thereby making what appears to be a two room home look only partially furnished unless a higher tier is purchased that allows more prim space or low-prim furniture is purchased, user is allotted a certain amount of land holding and is only added on to with purchase of a higher tier level, live support link takes you straight to the forums in which issues that are posted do not get dealt with except by other users who may or may not be kind enough to the person with the issue and can sometimes result in all out flame war, not enough ways to earn lindens (currency in-world), basic members do not have the option of live support and therefore have problems getting their issue resolved (due to the ticket system being slow to respond, people in the forums may be just as less knowledgeable on the users problem, or having to rely on their limited knowledge of computer lingo when looking it up on the wiki), some Sims lag worse than others depending on amount of objects within the Sim, and graphics are neither clear nor realistic and sometimes send a person walking into space even when the person does not press any movement keys
Okay, so now once you have the pros and cons of each choice listed for whatever you are trying to decide upon (again not necessarily these things that I have used as an example) , you can see more clearly what in your own opinion would be the better choice that would end up being more time efficient, less stressful, and if it will be well worth paying for should any money be involved. You may have different opinions than others, but it is ultimately up to you to make the correct choice based on your own opinions and not those of others. Anyway, that is my post for today. Take care and be safe always.
Let me begin with Utherverse.
Pros: clearer and more realistic graphics and movements, easier clothing placement, option to auction off rays (the name of the in-world currency) privately for real cash, VIP benefits come immediately and can be gifted to another member who may be less fortunate, free first property comes with unlimited dimensions and can be decorated however the user can imagine it, an option to become an affiliate and earn actual cash money on a commission basis for those whom you get to become a paid member, and more easier ways to earn rays daily
Cons: when you send messages to non-friends it costs .10 rays for each message, lags more often than most, codes need to be learned in order to dress up avatar (to some this may be more a pro than a con, but not to others), ticket system takes forever for problems to be dealt with, and there is a limit on how many people can be in a certain area
Next we have Second Life.
Pros: ability to fly in lands that allow flying, no codes are needed to dress avatar, no limit on number of people allowed in a certain area, and has more choices that are sure to match whatever a user is interested in
Cons: editing outfits to fit an avatar can be troublesome to most people, outfits that cannot be re-sized require a resizing of the avatar making previous edited clothing no longer fitting properly, lags, premium benefits cannot be gifted to a less fortunate person, premium benefits take 45 days before being given, free home can only be decorated within a set limit of prims (building blocks of objects in-world; the more prims an object has, the more strain it makes on the server to make the object appear in-world) thereby making what appears to be a two room home look only partially furnished unless a higher tier is purchased that allows more prim space or low-prim furniture is purchased, user is allotted a certain amount of land holding and is only added on to with purchase of a higher tier level, live support link takes you straight to the forums in which issues that are posted do not get dealt with except by other users who may or may not be kind enough to the person with the issue and can sometimes result in all out flame war, not enough ways to earn lindens (currency in-world), basic members do not have the option of live support and therefore have problems getting their issue resolved (due to the ticket system being slow to respond, people in the forums may be just as less knowledgeable on the users problem, or having to rely on their limited knowledge of computer lingo when looking it up on the wiki), some Sims lag worse than others depending on amount of objects within the Sim, and graphics are neither clear nor realistic and sometimes send a person walking into space even when the person does not press any movement keys
Okay, so now once you have the pros and cons of each choice listed for whatever you are trying to decide upon (again not necessarily these things that I have used as an example) , you can see more clearly what in your own opinion would be the better choice that would end up being more time efficient, less stressful, and if it will be well worth paying for should any money be involved. You may have different opinions than others, but it is ultimately up to you to make the correct choice based on your own opinions and not those of others. Anyway, that is my post for today. Take care and be safe always.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
November 14- Make An Informed Decision
Today, I learned yet another lesson when it comes to paying for memberships to virtual worlds. Never pay a single dollar until you explore all the virtual worlds possible in order to make an informed decision on which one you find is best for your tastes. That way you do not get stuck on a virtual world program that you begin to hate and then not be able to get a refund.
In my opinion, for things such as a special membership to a certain virtual world, they should not have a no refund policy or at least have an exception to where you can be allowed a refund if at any time you become dissatisfied with the virtual world. I mean, it just doesn't seem fair that if someone were to pay for an entire year and then become unhappy with the virtual world, they would be stuck either having to continue going to the world to get their money's worth or lose whatever they invested.
Of course, if they were to buy clothing or other avatar items, I can see where they would not be allowed a refund because that is something that you pay only one time for and requires no other payments in order to renew something to continue using the clothing or other avatar item. A membership, even when paid yearly, has to be renewed when it comes time and therefore requires even more money to do so. It is this difference that makes it so unfair to have to worry about not getting a refund upon dissatisfaction of the customer at any time.
Course, I don't think that it will ever be made this way, so my advice is to just to explore all the virtual worlds that they have out there and form your own opinion on which one works best for you before paying for any membership that might end up losing your money on should you not wish to stay on it. Also, when choosing to pay a virtual world membership, make sure it is one that you know beyond the shadow of a doubt you will be happy for the term of the membership. Another option is not to pay an entire year to begin with. Pay once a month even if it might end up costing more in the long run if you do stay the entire year. That way at least after the month is up, you can choose whether or not to renew the membership based on your previous month you had with them and can leave at anytime after the month is up without losing the money you invested.
That's it for today. Take care, be safe, and always make an informed decision before making the same mistake I did.
In my opinion, for things such as a special membership to a certain virtual world, they should not have a no refund policy or at least have an exception to where you can be allowed a refund if at any time you become dissatisfied with the virtual world. I mean, it just doesn't seem fair that if someone were to pay for an entire year and then become unhappy with the virtual world, they would be stuck either having to continue going to the world to get their money's worth or lose whatever they invested.
Of course, if they were to buy clothing or other avatar items, I can see where they would not be allowed a refund because that is something that you pay only one time for and requires no other payments in order to renew something to continue using the clothing or other avatar item. A membership, even when paid yearly, has to be renewed when it comes time and therefore requires even more money to do so. It is this difference that makes it so unfair to have to worry about not getting a refund upon dissatisfaction of the customer at any time.
Course, I don't think that it will ever be made this way, so my advice is to just to explore all the virtual worlds that they have out there and form your own opinion on which one works best for you before paying for any membership that might end up losing your money on should you not wish to stay on it. Also, when choosing to pay a virtual world membership, make sure it is one that you know beyond the shadow of a doubt you will be happy for the term of the membership. Another option is not to pay an entire year to begin with. Pay once a month even if it might end up costing more in the long run if you do stay the entire year. That way at least after the month is up, you can choose whether or not to renew the membership based on your previous month you had with them and can leave at anytime after the month is up without losing the money you invested.
That's it for today. Take care, be safe, and always make an informed decision before making the same mistake I did.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
November 11- Dead Again
On this 11th day of November in the year 2010, I sadly announce that at 1:58 P.M. John Wesley Bordelon has died. His death came suddenly after the news that his grandmother on George Bordelon's (the man who John wrote about in one of his past posts on here) side of the family had passed away. I have reason to believe it was not the fact of her passing that killed him, but rather it was how he had to find out about it. Instead of anyone in his family calling to tell him, he had to find out on his own through the social network called Facebook.
No one be alarmed though, for his death was not one of a true death as the body giving out and the soul leaving it to go on into the next life. Rather it was one of an emotional, mental, and spiritual passing. Let us rejoice that we now have a new birth to celebrate on the eve of this tragic news. Kayden Renee Phoenix can now live and breathe freely as she has always wished to do so. No longer shall she hide her true self to have people only seeing her for the male body she somehow was born in. She just has these words to say on the dawning of her new life, "I am what I am, and those who don't like it can go suck an egg! I don't care anymore that my body is wrong, and I will be correcting it in the future. I could care less what anyone else feels about it. Hardly anyone ever cared about my feelings, so I give the one finger salute to those who dare to try and make me give a rat's behind about their hypocritical, selfish, and judgmental attitude toward me with my living the life I should have been from the very start!"
I also extend my deepest sympathy (NOT!!!!!!) to the Bordelon family for having lost two of their members within the span of a week.
No one be alarmed though, for his death was not one of a true death as the body giving out and the soul leaving it to go on into the next life. Rather it was one of an emotional, mental, and spiritual passing. Let us rejoice that we now have a new birth to celebrate on the eve of this tragic news. Kayden Renee Phoenix can now live and breathe freely as she has always wished to do so. No longer shall she hide her true self to have people only seeing her for the male body she somehow was born in. She just has these words to say on the dawning of her new life, "I am what I am, and those who don't like it can go suck an egg! I don't care anymore that my body is wrong, and I will be correcting it in the future. I could care less what anyone else feels about it. Hardly anyone ever cared about my feelings, so I give the one finger salute to those who dare to try and make me give a rat's behind about their hypocritical, selfish, and judgmental attitude toward me with my living the life I should have been from the very start!"
I also extend my deepest sympathy (NOT!!!!!!) to the Bordelon family for having lost two of their members within the span of a week.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
November 9- Planning My Future
I have been thinking about my life as it stands today, and I got to realizing that I need to make a change in the direction in which it seems to be going now. I have only once rented my own place until the rent went up too high for me to be able to pay it on just my disability. Other than that, I have been either homeless, in jail, or relying too much on others to take me in.
I think now is the best time to change all that. I decided that I will divide all my plans into 3 year terms. My first 3 year plan will be working on my first goal of once again renting a place for me and my son to live. To do that, I have to find a part time job within 1 year, then the next will be finding a 2 bedroom place to rent, and then finally living in my own rented house or apartment.
The next 3 years will be working on getting off of rent and finally owning a home of my own. Year one will be working at my part time job and saving the money I will need all the while continuing to pay my rent and other bills with my disability checks and some of my work pay. Year two will be pretty much the same as well as finding an affordable 2 bedroom house to buy. Of course by the end of year three, I hopefully will have succeeded in purchasing a nice 2 bedroom home and beginning to live in it.
The next 3 years will be all about working up to a 3 bedroom home. I will also by this time be finding a full time job that pays more than my disability will and provides insurance to where I no longer have to be confined to a once a month income. With that income, the next year will be maintaining my 2 bedroom home and the bills as well as saving for the 3 bedroom one. I will also be looking for the 3 bedroom home which by the end of the third year, I will have sold my 2 bedroom home, bought my 3 bedroom one, and then living in it.
Now here is the big question. Should I keep going further to my ultimate goal when it comes to housing of having a 5 bedroom house or should I just stick with my 3 bedroom one? I really do wish to have 5 bedrooms so that I can have a bedroom for my son, one for me, a guest room, a computer room, and of course one for my fantasy room where all my fantasies are given a place of their own to play. That one will always be off limits to anyone unless they are 18 or older and participating in my fantasies. I know I can always do without that special room, but it still would be nice to have. If I stick my 3 bedroom house, I can always make the 3 bedroom my fantasy room, but then the guests would have to sleep in the living room and my computer will have to be kept in my room. I don't like the idea of guests sleeping in the living room because I feel if they are kind enough to come visit for a week or two, they should be treated with the same respect as all occupants of the house have and be allowed to have their own room for the time they are staying over. It's weird, but I'm just respectful in that way. I would want to make sure they are comfortable during their stay and then maybe they will come back to stay another time after that as well.
Whatever I do decide, I'll have the same house rules that will apply to occupants and guests alike. Rule one: No alcohol in the house. You can go out and drink, but don't come to my house drunk. Rule two: No drugs in the house. I don't care if you go somewhere else to get stoned, but if you come to my house and even appear to be stoned, I will ask you to leave. Rule three: Respect everyone that visits the house with the same respect as those who live there. Rule four: What is said and done in the house whether you live there or visit, once you walk out the doors, you leave it behind those doors. There will be no gossiping or telling other people what is said and done in my house. If it is found that someone is, then that person will no longer be living or allowed to visit in my home. Rule five: Even as a guest, my home is your home and therefore you will be allowed to serve your self or even fix your own meals if you so wish as long as you fix enough for everyone. You will also be bound by my rules of the house once you walk into my doors. Rule six: You clean after yourself. You dirty it, you clean it. There will be no maid or butler in the home as everyone is an equal (unless of course it is my master or mistress that is telling me what to do as their slave girl).
That's all I have for today. Take care and be safe always everyone.
I think now is the best time to change all that. I decided that I will divide all my plans into 3 year terms. My first 3 year plan will be working on my first goal of once again renting a place for me and my son to live. To do that, I have to find a part time job within 1 year, then the next will be finding a 2 bedroom place to rent, and then finally living in my own rented house or apartment.
The next 3 years will be working on getting off of rent and finally owning a home of my own. Year one will be working at my part time job and saving the money I will need all the while continuing to pay my rent and other bills with my disability checks and some of my work pay. Year two will be pretty much the same as well as finding an affordable 2 bedroom house to buy. Of course by the end of year three, I hopefully will have succeeded in purchasing a nice 2 bedroom home and beginning to live in it.
The next 3 years will be all about working up to a 3 bedroom home. I will also by this time be finding a full time job that pays more than my disability will and provides insurance to where I no longer have to be confined to a once a month income. With that income, the next year will be maintaining my 2 bedroom home and the bills as well as saving for the 3 bedroom one. I will also be looking for the 3 bedroom home which by the end of the third year, I will have sold my 2 bedroom home, bought my 3 bedroom one, and then living in it.
Now here is the big question. Should I keep going further to my ultimate goal when it comes to housing of having a 5 bedroom house or should I just stick with my 3 bedroom one? I really do wish to have 5 bedrooms so that I can have a bedroom for my son, one for me, a guest room, a computer room, and of course one for my fantasy room where all my fantasies are given a place of their own to play. That one will always be off limits to anyone unless they are 18 or older and participating in my fantasies. I know I can always do without that special room, but it still would be nice to have. If I stick my 3 bedroom house, I can always make the 3 bedroom my fantasy room, but then the guests would have to sleep in the living room and my computer will have to be kept in my room. I don't like the idea of guests sleeping in the living room because I feel if they are kind enough to come visit for a week or two, they should be treated with the same respect as all occupants of the house have and be allowed to have their own room for the time they are staying over. It's weird, but I'm just respectful in that way. I would want to make sure they are comfortable during their stay and then maybe they will come back to stay another time after that as well.
Whatever I do decide, I'll have the same house rules that will apply to occupants and guests alike. Rule one: No alcohol in the house. You can go out and drink, but don't come to my house drunk. Rule two: No drugs in the house. I don't care if you go somewhere else to get stoned, but if you come to my house and even appear to be stoned, I will ask you to leave. Rule three: Respect everyone that visits the house with the same respect as those who live there. Rule four: What is said and done in the house whether you live there or visit, once you walk out the doors, you leave it behind those doors. There will be no gossiping or telling other people what is said and done in my house. If it is found that someone is, then that person will no longer be living or allowed to visit in my home. Rule five: Even as a guest, my home is your home and therefore you will be allowed to serve your self or even fix your own meals if you so wish as long as you fix enough for everyone. You will also be bound by my rules of the house once you walk into my doors. Rule six: You clean after yourself. You dirty it, you clean it. There will be no maid or butler in the home as everyone is an equal (unless of course it is my master or mistress that is telling me what to do as their slave girl).
That's all I have for today. Take care and be safe always everyone.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
November 6th- God Works In Mysterious Ways
Yesterday, I posted a comment on a friend's journal on another site. It was something that I had been feeling in my heart about the whole gender identity and what religion has to do with it. I told this person that it's the soul and not the body that makes the gender. I even went and explained my theory to my birth father. I first asked him what he felt determined our gender, and his answer was the heart. I then told him that he was wrong because the heart is something that can always be artificially made just as much as everything else inside of a human being except for one thing. That one thing is the soul.
Science tries so hard to make everyone believe that a human is made by science, and religion tries so hard to make them believe they are made by God. They are both right. Our body is nothing but a vessel that is indeed created by the man and woman's genes and chromosomes that determine what the body will look like. It is the soul that brings the body to life, is made by God, makes us human, and thereby determines what gender we actually are. This was what I explained to my birth father after which he agreed with me.
Now, I was not really looking for an answer to a question, but rather even without asking out loud, I felt something stirring in me that screamed out to have some kind of confirmation that what I had theorized was indeed the truth. I got that confirmation from watching a show I had just got finished telling my uncle that I would not ever watch again but felt drawn into watching that night after my Smallville show I do watch every Friday night. The show was Supernatural, and on the previous episode that I did manage to catch the end of, there was this demon who made everyone speak nothing but truth of what they really felt inside. That demon told Sam, a character who had been raised up from Hell at the start of the season, that he was not human. Then in last night's episode, the answer was found as to what made Sam to be not human. HE HAD NO SOUL! If the soul is what makes us human, then it is the SOUL that determines what gender we are.
As for how a female soul can wind up in a male body, I have a theory for that as well that has yet to really be confirmed. I believe in rencarnation. I have read some articles online that are both for and against the whole idea but have yet to come to a definite conclusion that my theory based on reincarnation is correct. Maybe for those who are now feeling their soul is the opposite gender than what their body suggests, those are the ones who most likely did begin their very first life as that gender. No matter how many times that soul had been reincarnated or how many times it was done so in the correct body, maybe this time it was in the opposite body.
On one of the sites that actually did agree with reincarnation, it used Jesus' words, “Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” as an example that reincarnation is a fact. The way they interpreted it was that "in order for anyone TO (literally) SEE the Kingdom of God (light-years down the road), they must be born again ... and again … and again ... via a series of earthly incarnations until they achieve that level of awareness!". Now, who is really to say that maybe during this time around (whether it be the first reincarnation, the last, or anywhere in between) the soul wound up in the wrong body? No one really knows. All I do know is what was confirmed last night that our soul does indeed make our gender and not what our body appears to look like on the outside.
That's it for today. Take care, be safe always everyone, and keep checking for new posts each day for you never know when I may post a new entry.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
November 4- Back With A Vengance
I'm back after a long time of being away, and I've got a very heated message to those people who think they can get away with telling another parent how to raise their child. STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY! I'm sick and tired of people who whether they have their own kids or not try to tell someone else how to raise their kids. I'm pissed at those who think they have right to correct a parent when that parent is correcting their kid for not listening to them or other authority figures. I'm furious at those people who go behind a parent's back and let that parent's kid off of any punishment that parent set forth for their child. I'm outraged at those who would show favoritism by not telling their own kids who are now adults and have kids of their own the same thing they tell someone else who is doing the same exact thing as they are.
I could see if the parent is not providing the kids basic needs, not spending any time at all with their children, leaving bruises anywhere on the child from severely beating that child with a belt or anything else for whatever reason, leaving hand prints on a child's neck where they tried to choke the life out of that child, molesting their child in any kind of way, or attempting to kill their child by stepping on that child's chest with weight which could crush the rib cage right into the heart killing that child. Then, I could say there is reason to step in and get that child away from that parent. When I say not spending any time with that child, I mean that as long as you spend at least one or two hours two or three times a day, that should be good enough without someone coming along and saying that your child is not most important in your life. Not spending any time would be leaving a child in their room (or crib if they are that young) for the entire day while you do whatever you want to do. The only exception would be if the kid is older and has misbehaved and you have grounded them to their room. If none of these things I have listed is happening, then other people need to BACK OFF! Let the parent be the parent and stop trying to tell them how to be better! No one is perfect and never will be perfect, so stop trying to act like you are by telling someone else how to raise their kid!
You want to yell at someone or try to take someone's kids away? Stick to the a-holes that actually deserve to have their kids taken away or even thrown in jail for their entire life for molesting, abusing, or even attempting to murder their 16 year old child! In my opinion, those that do that (like George Bordelon and that woman who molested me when I was three) don't even deserve to live another day, but we are all unable to take the law into our own hands. Even those who let these people get away with it (like Cheryl Cunningham when she was married to George), deserve the same because they are just as guilty as the ones who did the act.
I could see if the parent is not providing the kids basic needs, not spending any time at all with their children, leaving bruises anywhere on the child from severely beating that child with a belt or anything else for whatever reason, leaving hand prints on a child's neck where they tried to choke the life out of that child, molesting their child in any kind of way, or attempting to kill their child by stepping on that child's chest with weight which could crush the rib cage right into the heart killing that child. Then, I could say there is reason to step in and get that child away from that parent. When I say not spending any time with that child, I mean that as long as you spend at least one or two hours two or three times a day, that should be good enough without someone coming along and saying that your child is not most important in your life. Not spending any time would be leaving a child in their room (or crib if they are that young) for the entire day while you do whatever you want to do. The only exception would be if the kid is older and has misbehaved and you have grounded them to their room. If none of these things I have listed is happening, then other people need to BACK OFF! Let the parent be the parent and stop trying to tell them how to be better! No one is perfect and never will be perfect, so stop trying to act like you are by telling someone else how to raise their kid!
You want to yell at someone or try to take someone's kids away? Stick to the a-holes that actually deserve to have their kids taken away or even thrown in jail for their entire life for molesting, abusing, or even attempting to murder their 16 year old child! In my opinion, those that do that (like George Bordelon and that woman who molested me when I was three) don't even deserve to live another day, but we are all unable to take the law into our own hands. Even those who let these people get away with it (like Cheryl Cunningham when she was married to George), deserve the same because they are just as guilty as the ones who did the act.
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