November 18- Could I Have Been Wrong All This Time?

Besides being a male to female transsexual, there is also another part of what makes me who I am. This part is one that I have been thinking of as being an adult baby. It always seemed so wrong to include myself with them being everyone seemed to classify it as a sex fetish. To me it was not then nor is it now anything I would consider sexual. It's more of something inside of me that I feel makes me all of who and what I am. I also found it strange how most adult babies could, if they had to, give up being an adult baby without it hurting them emotionally in any way. I, on the other hand, could not no matter how many people told me that it was not natural. Another thing that I found strange was that whenever I did regress, a part of me really didn't want to act that way, but it was like something I myself could not control.

I was just reading something in a very good friend of mine's blog on here and some words she put in her about me struck something in my mind. "I know I am very baby like in many ways and has got me teased and harassed a lot. but if I hid it I get depressed," she had stated along with, "I am what my Daddys calls a True Baby, not to be confused with a Adult Baby. See an AB is a baby for sexual reason. For me its just a way of life really."

This got me thinking back to all the times I called myself an adult baby and how I always told everyone that it was never a sexual thing to me but rather just a part of who I was. I know someties when I am stressed out or have difficult decisions to make, I tend to find myself regressing even when I don't mean to. I also get depressed a lot when I have to hide being a baby as well finding my temper gets more and more easier to set off the longer I stay away from being a baby. I do know how to be an adult when I have to be, but I don't like being an adult. One other thing that makes me think is knowing that I honestly do get a tinge of sibling jealousy when it comes to actual babies. It's not that I mean to get jealous, but rather just something inside me that gets me feeling that way.

I do admit I have a sexual attraction to just diapers themselves, but when I regress I want nothing to do with sex. All I want at that time is a mommy AND a daddy to love me and care for me as they would an actual baby with no sex involved. Maybe I am not a true Adult Baby. Maybe what I am is a TRUE baby and a Diaper Lover (DL). Could I have been wrong all these years in classifying myself amongst the adult babies?

Honestly, I think I already know why I have this tendency to be a baby. When you think about how I was taken from my true birth parents due to their lack of being able to raise me properly, pushed from home to home to where I never really got that much love from parents as a baby, and then when finally adopted was not shown much love from parents even then but instead was abused physically, mentally, and emotionally, you can actually say that the baby I was got mentally frozen inside of me due to all that trauma and wants to try and live again. The Diaper Lover fetish, I know comes from the way I was molested at 3 by the foster mother I was with.

It's so hard, though, to get someone who would understand and actually be the mommy and daddy that I need to maybe once and for all allow that baby to come out full time and be raised the way a baby should be raised in love, care, and support. Just about everyone tells me that I need to stop trying to get back my childhood because once it is gone whether good or bad, there is no going back. They are right in one way, but what they don't seem to get is that we all are only as young or as old as we feel we are inside. My body may have grown up, but my mind has not. Then of course with my mind still being a baby and my soul being a female, I guess I am always going to be a little baby girl until the baby in me gets the chance to actually live again. Only then do I feel my mind will be able to mature the right way. Of course, being so late in the game of life, I don't think my mind will ever be able to catch up to my body, but at least I hope it will have a chance to live before I pass into the next life.