Okay, here's my problem. You all know how I had promised my good friend and Second Life Mommy that I would get her the two items she needed to finish the memorial PC for her brother. I was going to get Christmas gifts for my son and then get her one item this month and the other the next month. I had the money to get her the keyboard and was waiting for today for when it would be open to buy. However, it seems every time I make my plans, something always comes up to screw with my plans. My cousin had got into some trouble Friday while driving my uncle's van, so the van had been towed and impounded. My uncle had to take the money I gave him for rent that he usually uses to pay the insurance on the van with to use it to get the van out of the impound leaving no money for him to pay the insurance which had to be paid by midnight last night. Of course, I loaned him the money to pay it because of my son. We need that van insured in case anything were to happen to my son and had to be brought to the hospital. Thing is, now I don't have the money I need to get what I was planning to get, and I feel so horrible. On top of all that, all the socks I had for my son just disappeared as well as my own and no one here claims to know who took them. Because of the few socks we had, I had to go buy us some more. That, again, made me short on cash this month.
I hate myself right now because I don't want my friend thinking that I am just like everyone else who has played with her emotions. I really wanted to show her how different I was than them, but now I am scared she will not trust me when I promise her anything. I can try to get it next month, but there is no telling what can happen between now and then. I definitely don't want to promise anything and be forced to be unable to keep that promise only furthering her distrust of me.
I know shit happens, but why is life so against me. Every time I try to make someone happy, I get fucked by Murphy's Law and my plans get changed. Then everyone begins to think me someone who makes promises that I don't keep. It's not that I don't keep them, it's just that something always happens to make me unable to keep them. One out of every ten times I actually get lucky and can in fact do what I promise, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that something happens between now and Christmas to help me be able to keep this promise because if not I will feel so horrible and beat myself up continuously for it. I want to right now as it is, but I'm still hoping something comes through so I can come through for her.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
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2 comments:
things happen and im not mad. rl is always in prefictble i never expected to live in my car 2 years ago. or the fact the only things i have left is my pc and my rl love.
It's not that I feel you are mad at me, it's more I am mad at my life. I don't like not being able to keep promises, and when I make a promise, I get so frustrated with myself when life happens to where I cannot keep the promise I made. When it seems that 9 out of ten times life works against me, I really begin to feel that the only reason I am alive is to be a joke to the big creator of life itself. Please do not take my words personal for you and your mother are such great people who deserve all the love, care, honesty, support, and everything that you two give to everyone else. Like I told your mother, you and her are angels here on Earth and your brother is an angel in heaven. Between all of you, everyone that knows you can be assured and not fear not getting everything I mentioned and more from either corner of the universe. I am very happy to be one that knows you and your mother, and I wish I could have also known your brother.
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